“Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein!”
“The Three Stooges Meet the Wolfman!”
“Marilyn Monroe Meets JFK!” (oops, we don’t think they’ve made that one for kids yet!)
Well, after reading all the reviews that have just about trashed The Matrix Revolutions, we started to feel bad for all those Hollywood moguls who could lose their jobs over this. After all, some critics are even stating that the last two installments to the trilogy have completely tainted the entire Matrix franchise.
As human beings who care deeply about the “fortunes” of Hollywood and its “stars,” the last thing we want to see is for The Matrix “franchise,” as one reviewer put it, “go south”!
So we thought we would help the situation by suggesting that Hollywood return to its former recycling loop and boost the prestige of the box-office draw of The Matrix by pairing it with a sure-fire hit!
The problem is, who could possibly fulfill such a large bill?
That’s when we realized — in the spirit of Abbott and Costello, etc. — there was only one persona who was capable of such a superhuman feat: the Jewish “I Love Lucy,” Fran Drescher, as “The Nanny.”
So, for starters and a lucrative new franchise (think of Barbie dolls with outfits!), we offer the premise of “The Nanny Meets the Matrix!”
To get the ball rolling in Hollywood, what better way to start the film and recoup the loss of prestige from the last two poorly written Matrix scripts by the Wachowski brothers than to have a theme song for the new film?
We suggest Matrix producer Joel Silver might be the first to make a bid on this genre and secure the rights to our copyrighted lyrics as soon as possible! (Can someone get our agent on the phone?)
Now admittedly, if one is not familiar with the theme song to The Nanny or the script scenarios of The Matrix, this tune will not make a lot of sense — but we leave that to the core of Hollywood rewriters to flush out!
But for those who are familiar with both the TV show and the film — and who are not frightened to “follow the white rabbit” into the unknown — here goes.
The words, of course, are sung to the tune of “The Nanny” (with apologies to original composer Anne Hampton Callaway):
when Morpheus kicked her out of that Matrix dream.
Where was she to go?
What was she to do?
She had swallowed the red candy!
So over the bridge from the Matrix
to the Agent’s door,
she was there to sell disks
but Mr. Smith saw more —
she had style, she had hair, she was there:
that’s how she became the Agent’s nanny!
Who would have thought that the nonsense we described
was actually what the public desired
Now her psychic skills are shining (watch out Merovingian)
and the Oracle’s actually smilin’ (but the Architect is grievin’)!
She’s the yenta in red when everybody’s wearin’ dull green:
the Supergirl from Zion —
the Matrix hears her voice and screams!
In fact, now that we think of it, maybe it’s a downgrade for The Nanny to be paired with such a major flop! Of course, there’s always a chance that — as was the “unexpected” outcome in the film The Producers — our pairing can become a No. 1 smash like Springtime for Hitler!
Well, just like those behind the trilogy, we state that this is our last trifling comment about The Matrix.
Excuse us, but our phone is ringing.
It’s our agent on the line.
Did we say this was our last comment … ?
© 2003 Agnus Dei Presents!
be Fran’s ultimate weapon against The Matrix?!
