Move Over ‘Oscar’
Here Are the Real ‘Winners’
BEST WOUNDED-MAN-WHO-IS-ALMOST-DEAD AWARD
Our first award for the Best Wounded Man who is almost dead and pretends to be in control goes to sad man insein for his brilliant pretaped videos to convince his population they are still his prisoners.
BEST ‘DEADLY’ SILENCE AWARD
To osama bin dead for not, once again, appearing live to the world on TV to condemn the “criminal” attack of the U.S. against Iraq and calling for “jihad”!
BEST SCARE TACTIC BY A NATION NOT INVOLVED AWARD
To North Korea for claiming the conflict could “go nuclear.”
BEST WASTE-OF-TIME AWARD
To the thousands of demonstrators who think they will change things by marching, screaming and chanting like babies who did not get their bottle recently. Perhaps they should get down on their knees and do some real work like pray the Rosary for peace!
BEST HYPOCRISY AWARD
To every female demonstrator who protests the war and seems oblivious to their “sisters’ ” situation in Iraq. On Friday, Andrea Mitchell, reporting for MSNBC, interviewed a former bodyguard of quasay hussein, sad man’s eldest son. The bodyguard, who escaped Iraq five years ago, testified that quasay not only abducts women from the street to rape them, but that he also murders them. The bodyguard stated that this is not just a case of one or two times, but that quasay is a serial rapist and a serial killer.
BEST ‘I AM A CHRISTIAN’ AWARD
To President George Bush and various members of his Cabinet who claim to be Christians when, in reality, that are members of various “secret” societies whose initiation oaths are anything but “Christian.” And an additional award in this category for beginning the Iraqi campaign on the Feast of St. Joseph.
BEST LIE BY A MAJOR NETWORK AWARD
To Al Jazeera, the only network Arabs “trust” for their news reports helping to inflame the moslem population by broadcasting Iraqi claims of massive civilian casualties. And, lest we not give them total proper due, the claim that massive American troops were operating within another Arab nation to secure the border between Jordan and Iraq. Funny, we missed that report on any other network.
BEST PROPAGANDA AWARD
To the Iraqi “information” minister for statements to Arabic-speaking media that sad man insein is well and directing the military defense of Baghdad; this includes providing videotape Saturday of insein “laughing” during a meeting with his aides. Of course, no one should question why sad man should be laughing at a time like this; he does, as we all know, find terror and the death of people funny.
BEST MISINFORMATION BY A MAJOR NETWORK AWARD
To the Canadian Broadcasting Network (CBN) for allowing a non-involved Canadian military “analyst” to tell an Arabic viewer in response to his question that he believed he was right: after the fall of Baghdad, the next stop for American troops was to seize Tehran and overthrow the regime in Iran. As a sidebar award, this same “analyst” gets the “I-obviously-hate-Israel” award for suggesting to the Arab viewer that Ariel Sharon, the prime minister of Israel, has stated this march will take place and was putting pressure on the U.S. to take over Tehran.
And our special lifetime achievement award:
THE ‘WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON?’ AWARD
To Alleson Krause, a Halifax peace demonstration organizer, who on CBN, while wearing her very impressive “peace” button, stated that the Iraqi people should not trust the United States because we will not provide humanitarian aide to them. The purpose of the war, she believes, is to kill Iraqi citizens.
All winners, if they are not already there, will receive a special one-way ticket to Iraq to put their proverbial “lives where there mouths are” — especially all the “peace” demonstrators — to assist in humanitarian aid. The only requirement for the ticket is that they must view videotapes and photographs of victims of the Iraqi regime and then eat a meal placed in front of them.
© 2003 Agnus Dei Presents!
